Time wasting tip #1

Take twice as long to do every day tasks.

Showering is a good one (assuming you still consider personal hygiene a must-do now that you're redundant) - you can easily stretch this out to waste time.

I played a game of X's and O's with myself using the condensation on the shower door today.

I lost.

Forward spatial planning was never my strong point.

Other every day tasks that can be strung out to whittle away jobless hours include:

Hoovering: Why bother doing this quickly?! Get down on your hands and knees and pick up every speck of dust with your fingers. This will last a considerable amount of time and you have the added bonus of doing your back in - with a bit of luck you will be rendered bed-ridden for at least a day in agony - a day in the bed is a day saved from the rigours of real-life!!!!

Cleaning out the fridge: A great one - but be careful not to just remove everything, clean the shelves, throw away anything that pongs and put everything else back in. Make sure you take things out one at a time, read the label and ingredients. Reminisce about where when and why you bought said item (why did I buy that jar of Loganberry jam in Ikea again???). Put combinations of almost gone-off-but-not-yet-quite-poisonous ingredients into google and see what possible meals you can rustle up. Arrange jars in order of colour or size on the worktop. You could even get out a spoon and see if you've produced a viable mini drum kit. Now to the cleaning. Make sure you spend at least 20 minutes searching through youtube to see if some crazy American has posted a how-to video on fridge cleaning. Take enough time to choose your cloth/sponge and cleaning agent. For extra kudos you could google recipes for making your own cheaper cleaning stuff. Once it's all spick and span just check the clock to see if you have wasted an adequate amount of time. If you feel you haven't, you can always do it again tomorrow.

Who's to know?